I couldn't see anything in the darkness that surrounded me in his office, but for the silhouette that was his. The masculine shadow rose up and walked out of the room; closing the door behind him while acting as though nothing had happened. I, however, remained completely motionless, just lying on the couch. It was all I felt capable of at that moment for my stomach felt as though it was eating itself alive. I couldn't exactly remember what had happened because everything had happened so quickly. However, I knew that what I did was terribly wrong. I sat up to zip up my sweater and tie back my hair when I broke. I curled into a small ball and thought of only one person. I had betrayed him and just wanted to die. There was nothing left for me now that I felt weak, used, dirty and defiled.
I attempted to calm myself down so I could at least make it to the bathroom without anyone seeing me. With that, I stood up, opened the door, held my breath and bolted down the hallway. I was safe. Looking into the bathroom mirror was another story though. It was as though I was looking at a brothel whore. I turned on the tap to wash my mess of a face and riffled through some cupboards to try and redo what was left. As soon as I felt I was cleaned up, I walked out into the party as though nothing was wrong. However, truth be told, I just wanted to go home. I wanted to shower, crawl into bed and wake up the next morning; relieved that it was all just a nightmare.
The next evening I received a knock on my front door.
It was my love.
I was overjoyed and threw my arms around him. He sluggishly pulled me off while looking at his feet.
"We need to talk about some things. Maybe it's best if we go for a walk." He mumbled.
When I heard his tone, I was mortified.
It started to heavily rain as we walked behind my house. We weren't even half a block away before he turned to me, grabbed me by my shoulders and yelled,
"What the hell is wrong with you?! My brother? How does that make you feel? Jesus Christ, Mikaley! What did I do to deserve this!?"
He had a look in his eyes I had never seen and it killed me to look at him. I could feel his hands start to shake as they slid down my arms. I tried to speak, but I couldn't. When I opened my mouth, nothing came out. My vision started to blur from the buildup of tears, but I didn't dare look at him. I hung my head and just stared at soaked concrete. A lump slowly started to form in my throat, which made it hard to breath and even harder to swallow. I remember slowly looking up through rain saturated hair and tear drenched eyes. He looked at me with the same expression and just gently shook his head as he heaved out a great sob. My eyes fell again but quickly shot back up when I heard footsteps. He was walking away from me, and I just stood there!
I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I know that I'll never forget his face on that day, because that was the last time I saw him. He no longer acknowledges my existence and I can guarantee that for the rest of my life, I'm going to regret ever going to that party. I should have declined the invitation, I should have rejected the drinks handed to me and I should have left when I felt uncomfortable in my surroundings. But there was nothing left now. Nothing but shoulda, coulda, woulda's.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Ode To Chivalry
A young girl grows up
dreaming,
wishing,
hoping
that she'll be swept off her feet.
By flowers
and candy
and poetry
By sweet serenades
under her bedroom balcony
and tender moments shared.
Yet,
something is wrong
There are no flowers
There is no poetry
No serenades
No special moments
Where has chivalry gone?
It's hidden behind
Macho personalities where
muscles are more dense
than decency
It's hidden behind
baggy "gangster" pants
and ideals that
make women
merely objects
It's hidden behind informality,
telephone calls
and text messages!
So this is to
the guys
willing to wait,
patiently
and contently
while saving their
love
for the girl
of their dreams
To the knights
in shining armor
To the Romeos'
who've serenaded young Juliets'
Chivalry isn't dead
it's just...
rare.
dreaming,
wishing,
hoping
that she'll be swept off her feet.
By flowers
and candy
and poetry
By sweet serenades
under her bedroom balcony
and tender moments shared.
Yet,
something is wrong
There are no flowers
There is no poetry
No serenades
No special moments
Where has chivalry gone?
It's hidden behind
Macho personalities where
muscles are more dense
than decency
It's hidden behind
baggy "gangster" pants
and ideals that
make women
merely objects
It's hidden behind informality,
telephone calls
and text messages!
So this is to
the guys
willing to wait,
patiently
and contently
while saving their
love
for the girl
of their dreams
To the knights
in shining armor
To the Romeos'
who've serenaded young Juliets'
Chivalry isn't dead
it's just...
rare.
Popularity.
I was on Facebook today and was just browsing over some old friends pages from high school. I came across one young girl's page. I can remember this girl quite vividly and will probably always remember her. She was loud, bubbly and outgoing. She had a heart of gold and was always wanting to be friends with people, but it sometimes got to the point where it showed a point of desperation. Therefore, making her naive to people using her as a doormat and taking full advantage of what she had to offer. [Which for the record makes me sick.]
I saw that she made a post on her page about popularity and how people become "popular". I was a tad bit curious on what people were giving her for advice and what their views were on popularity, so I read up. Here's what I found:
Original Post:
"What do people do to be popular ??? Fml"
Response 1:
be fake and not act like themselves. be who other people want them to be.
your amazing the way you are Hun
stay true to yourself
Response 2: (from girl who made original post)
It's hard to be in this fucked up world
Response 3:
I agree with ***** (response 1.)
After reading this and what the comments were, something in me sort of snapped. They were viewing popularity in almost a materialistic sense! Now, don't get me wrong, but yes, the girls that have the nice cars, the new GUESS purses and the cute little figures are popular. However, it's a temporary popularity. People flock to those they wish to be or be like, but at the end of the day, once high school is over, everything will change. It's inevitable. True popularity on the other hand will last a lifetime. I know what you're thinking, 'A lifetime?? That doesn't sound right.' But it's true. I ended up making my own comment on her post and hopefully you'll understand where I'm coming from once you read it.
My Response:
Not everyone acts fake and isn't true to themselves though. When I was in high school, I wouldn't say that I was a grade A loser or anything but I was popular in my own sense. People respected me because I was myself and if you didn't like that, then I didn't have the time for you. But at the end of the day, I was nice to everyone (for the most part) and always was there for others. I just tried to be the best friend I could possibly be and that's was what mattered most. Popularity isn't measured in who has the coolest clothes, who dates the captain of whatever team or who threw the craziest raging party on the weekend. Popularity is measured in your friends and how they respect you and treat you. The nicer and more appreciative you are to others, the more inclined people will want to be around you.
♥
I saw that she made a post on her page about popularity and how people become "popular". I was a tad bit curious on what people were giving her for advice and what their views were on popularity, so I read up. Here's what I found:
Original Post:
"What do people do to be popular ??? Fml"
Response 1:
be fake and not act like themselves. be who other people want them to be.
your amazing the way you are Hun
stay true to yourself
Response 2: (from girl who made original post)
It's hard to be in this fucked up world
Response 3:
I agree with ***** (response 1.)
After reading this and what the comments were, something in me sort of snapped. They were viewing popularity in almost a materialistic sense! Now, don't get me wrong, but yes, the girls that have the nice cars, the new GUESS purses and the cute little figures are popular. However, it's a temporary popularity. People flock to those they wish to be or be like, but at the end of the day, once high school is over, everything will change. It's inevitable. True popularity on the other hand will last a lifetime. I know what you're thinking, 'A lifetime?? That doesn't sound right.' But it's true. I ended up making my own comment on her post and hopefully you'll understand where I'm coming from once you read it.
My Response:
Not everyone acts fake and isn't true to themselves though. When I was in high school, I wouldn't say that I was a grade A loser or anything but I was popular in my own sense. People respected me because I was myself and if you didn't like that, then I didn't have the time for you. But at the end of the day, I was nice to everyone (for the most part) and always was there for others. I just tried to be the best friend I could possibly be and that's was what mattered most. Popularity isn't measured in who has the coolest clothes, who dates the captain of whatever team or who threw the craziest raging party on the weekend. Popularity is measured in your friends and how they respect you and treat you. The nicer and more appreciative you are to others, the more inclined people will want to be around you.
♥
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