...leave me with some kind of proof, it's not a dream, oh....
I keep on having flashbacks. To the days where things were far more simple and I had a sense of stability for once in my life. To the days when there was you. I have no idea why my brain keeps on bringing me back to these times. It's so frustrating!! One minute, I'll be in the middle of doing something and then I'll completely zone out and start daydreaming.
They all started when I began unpacking boxes and sorting through papers and documents the other day. I found the scrapbook I had started of us. It had photos of all of our crazy adventures together, movie ticket stubs, carnival wristbands, hand written letters and cute sticky love notes. I came across some letters I had written to Chad, but never sent... Most were lighthearted and full of love and lust. However, I came across some that were filled with sheer fear and anguish. Desperation almost.
I think that subconsciously, I knew things were going to end. But there was this part of me was just so scared that I clung on for dear life. I didn't want to lose him. I COULDN'T lose him?? I loved him so much! There was no way that he could be like every other guy that has chosen to walk and just as easily out in my life. I mean, he told me he loved me... He told me every night before bed and every single time we were together that he'd love me Forever and Always and my response was always "I love you too, Always and Forever." It just couldn't end!!
I still don't understand... or fully "get it". And to make matters worse, I have no idea what my point was in this entry. Guess I just needed to rant. ...Oh well, back to eating eggs it is for me!
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