My best friend and I have a problem, the same problem. We have the tendency to get quite lonely at night. It isn't the fact that we just want to be around people all the time, it's the fact that we always find ourselves thinking of the people we don't want to think of most of all between the hours of "bedtime" and "waking up".
Why is it always during these hours?? Why does it always hit us so hard??
I've come up with a theory:
We spend our entire day, spending all of our energy, desperately keeping them out of our minds so that by the time we are simply exhausted and should be resting, we give them the opportunity to creep back into our minds. We let our guards down because we are tired and in turn, unknowingly end up hurting ourselves.
It's nights like these where we cannot fall asleep because deep down inside, we know that there is something keeping us awake. Subconsciously, we know what it is but we just don't want to admit it. It's the memories of them the way we used to live our lives with those other people. We put ourselves into routines when we are with them. Whether it's a good night kiss before you cuddle each other to sleep or a text to say "I love you, goodnight" it becomes part of us. It's even the little things that we get used to with them... Getting bludgeoned in your sleep, dealing with excessive snoring, sleep talking or having the blankets kicked off the bed... Or even just rolling over in bed and having them be there. We miss all those things. We don't want to admit them, but we do.
And we can have all of our friends and family tell us that we were always too good for them, or too pretty, or we can do better but they can't stop the way we feel when those hours hit. It's when we're most vulnerable. Our minds, our feelings, our hearts are most exposed...
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