I lost someone I really loved and cared about -Scratch that, I still love and care about him. In turn, I packed what I could and moved back home to the coast. Everyday has been a struggle. Trying to find a job, trying to figure out where I'm going to be sleeping that night, etc. Luckily for me, I have a fantastic friend letting me stay with him until I get on my feet with a job and a place to live. Nevertheless, it doesn't help fix the feeling of emptiness that haunts me on a daily basis.
What emotion it is, I cannot be certain. But it is something that of a disease... A flesh eating virus that eats away at me from the inside out. The nightly sobbing episodes have subsided for now but I still cannot seem to get rid of that aching pain. I even tried talking to him today to see if it could help the situation, but if anything, his cold shoulders made it worse.
A part of me wants to tell him how I feel but another part is terrified. Because of him wanting to be "best of friends" I feel hindered in the aspect where if I do tell him what's in my heart and what's on my mind, then I could risk him seeing me as the desperate and clingy ex (which is ironic considering how he used to always ask me to be more clingy despite it being completely against my natural personality) and therefore risking losing him as a friend all together.
I guess I should just buck up and be honest? Put myself out there and see what happens? Oh God, What Do I Do?? ...
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